Thank you for coming back even if you were offended by last week’s post!

I have more for you! This week I want to talk about the cringe-worthy, sometimes hurtful, and often ignorant things people in the Christian church say to people with chronic illnesses. As always, as a disclaimer, what I’m about to write about is limited to my and a few others' experiences, so proceed with that in mind. However, I’m confident that you will find many Christians with chronic illnesses have felt the same way and have had very similar experiences to what I’m going to talk about. Please understand that this is not meant to shame or express ungratefulness. It really is just a PSA to otherwise well-intended people. Like last week, it’s very likely that you’ve never heard what I’m about to say because those of us with chronic illnesses don’t want to come off as bitter or unappreciative. So, without further ado…

The best way to summarize this post is: you don’t know my personal relationship with God. Nor should you! Even my husband doesn’t know the full extent and intimate details of my relationship with God. And so, if you ever find yourself in a Godly conversation with someone with a chronic illness, it’s better to err on the side of “I do not know the details of this person’s spiritual life, so let me just listen and be present instead of assuming this person has less faith or Biblical knowledge than me.” I’m not saying you think you’re better than anyone else. I’m saying you should always meet people where they are at, and THAT DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN THEY ARE LOWER THAN OR NOT AS DEEP AS YOU. A good and potentially powerful measure to take is to listen first, and then ask us what we need or are seeking.

Now, before you go on the defensive, let me be clear. I love sharing revelation, encouragement, and Bible verses with others - that’s what we’re supposed to do! God has called me to encourage, so I completely understand what it’s like to always be prepared to give a word of exhortation. But if I tell you I’m in pain and I’ve had a bad week (or month, or months), reciting Bible verses at me may likely be fruitless. Why? It can be perceived that you have an inability to meet me where I’m at and an unwillingness to sit in my reality. Consequently, it will indicate to me that you’re more concerned with sharing your Biblical knowledge than hearing and acknowledging the pains of your sister in Christ. I get it - it’s difficult and awkward to sit with someone who has just told you her life is not great. But I need you to hear me, acknowledge me, tell me you love me and that you are praying for me (don’t lie though - if you’re not going to pray for me, don’t say it, please). Maybe then, when you check in on me in a week (always appreciated) or when you see me next, I’ll be ready for that Bible verse, because you have not seemingly rejected my reality. 

One of the first things I did when I started having symptoms was to compile a list of Bible verses that referenced illness and healing. I was still young in my relationship with Christ, but I knew I had to have Bible verses to memorize and remind myself of God’s love. I have also received mostly the same list of verses from friends and family, and even purchased books and CDs that specifically dealt healing throughout my illness. Over the past six or so years, I have researched each of those verses and passages, looked into contexts, translations, and Greek and Hebrew origins, and I have prayed for and received revelation on what they mean. I have re-read, re-studied, and received different revelations upon repeating those actions. Do I know everything about healing and the Bible? Absolutely not - the Word is alive and active and so is my life is always changing. But I actually do know a decent amount about the Word and healing. I would have to guess that many of my fellow illness-inflicted Christians have also repeatedly read and been reminded of those same verses as well. It’s best not operate under the assumption that we are sick (or continue to be) from lack of knowledge of the Word.

Another convention I would recommend trying to refrain from is telling someone with a chronic illness that all he/she needs to do is speak and believe in healing and it will happen! I get the Biblical basis for this, I really do, and it is relevant. I firmly believe there is power in monitoring your words, and certainly we must speak life into seemingly hopeless situations. But please, please, PLEASE do not assume and tell people their faith isn’t deep or good enough to bring healing. The reality is that many Christians with chronic illnesses have trusted God and stood in true expectation for healing; some have received, some have not. It may be true that a person’s faith isn’t where it could be (are any of ours’ anyway?), but, quite honestly, you don’t know the reason he/she hasn’t received physical healing.

This leads me to my biggest issue with the “Word of Faith” (all you have to do is speak it into existence!) movement: it leaves no room for God’s will being executed through pain and suffering. What if, during this season, God has allowed someone to experience an illness for a purpose that is beyond our (particularly your) understanding? Healing only comes when it’s a part of God’s will. Do we have influence through worship and prayer? Absolutely. There are examples in the Bible of people influencing God’s decisions. But even in His change of decision, His will is still exerted.

Please allow me to use myself as an example (this is my own experience and relationship with God, no one else’s). I spend daily, intimate time with my Father, and He speaks clearly to me; I’ve learned that’s the only way I can live out my calling in joy and peace. Through this discipline, God has brought me to a place of understanding as it relates to my illness. I have shared before that I know my illness is my thorn. I didn’t make that up; I met God in prayer continuously and desperately (pleading with Him that He take the pain away) until He revealed its purpose to me. In the same vein, I also have an understanding of illness as a byproduct of our fallen world and demonic influences. I’m attentive to red flags and take action accordingly, and that has included seeking deliverance.

It took years of breaking - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - to get me to a place where I could meet God in prayer on an intimate level to even seek such answers. And it took me even more years of rebuilding, transformation, and renewal of my mind to get to a place where I could accept God’s purpose for my illness. I’m now in a position where nearly every time I seek God about a flare or pain, He reveals to me part of His plan and intentions. He imparts wisdom on how to move forward, and then He reminds me of the grace and strength He has continually extended to me as my Sustainer. 

All of that is to say that when you suggest a spiritual root or solution to my, or anyone else’s illness, you are likely operating under the assumption that I have not consulted God. I understand you are concerned about my physical health as a byproduct of my spiritual life, and I appreciate your concern. I really do know God to be a healer. He’s healed my husband and me personally in several areas. I’ve witnessed His miracles and wonders. There’s no doubt He’s a healer. I know God is a deliverer - that’s literally why and how I’m typing this post out as a part of walking in my calling. He has not healed my illness, but He has delivered me from misery, hopelessness, and anger. He has provided everything I need to endure during every season of my life. 

I’d like to close with this: My amazing grandfather passed away a few months ago. When he passed, I had a level of peace that I’ve never felt with anyone else I had lost before, and I maintain that’s because I’ve never been so confident in someone making it into Heaven. Sure, I may be biased as his *favorite* grandchild, but from what I’ve heard from all of our family, his friends, and acquaintances, I don’t think there was much discrepancy in what kind of a person he was. My grandfather was a pillar in his family, his community, and his church. He was a true steward of his land, finances, and time. He knew the Bible forwards and backwards, the cultural relevance, the historical contexts, and the translations. He was committed to spreading the gospel not only through ministry (a faithful member of his church and Gideon’s International), but through his lifestyle and love. My grandfather also had MS (Multiple Sclerosis) for the majority of his life. I’ve often wondered if people questioned his faith because of his diagnosis. As a teacher of Sunday School and Bible studies, did his illness automatically make him unqualified or less knowledgeable about the Word? Were all his good works nullified because he accepted a diagnosis and medical interventions? Was the faith of a devoted, loving, God-fearing man weaker than others because he didn’t “speak it and receive” healing? I am confident the answer to each of these questions is no. 

Chronic illness is not an indicator of faith, trust in God, or knowledge of the Word. Your health is not a valid indicator either. We aren’t always a divine project commissioned to you from God; most of the time we’re just people who want to talk to someone who shares the same faith. Unless you have been specifically assigned to and have sought God in doing so, your job is not to tell us what we need to do to receive healing. Your responsibility, in my humble opinion, is to pray for us and encourage us - your brothers and sisters in Christ - to grow in such a way that we draw closer to God. Then, we will be empowered to seek Him on an intimate level and hear Him clearly to gain understanding in regards to our illnesses and healing.

LOVE YOU!