A few years ago during one of my worst flares, I remember lying in bed crying, wondering how my body (read: my life) could be of any use to anyone or even God. What purpose could a malfunctioning, out-of-whack, pain-filled body serve? Night after night I would close my eyes and wonder what God could possibly do with me, and why He would even allow something like this come upon me.

For believers, experiencing pain and illness can feel like the ultimate form of rejection. The Bible tells us that our bodies are temples, we are told God is a good, loving Father, and we are promised that He cares for us. But when our bodies don’t feel or look like temples, when God seems to be light years away, and when the idea of a caring God fails to match our experience, we are left feeling  God has surely turned away.

It’s important to remember that no one is alone - chronic illness or not - in feeling rejected. David is a prime Biblical example of this, and his feelings of scorn can be found in many of the Psalms: “Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1 NIV). Another, more relevant example, is in Psalm 38: 3-8:

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.

We can all pinpoint times or moments in our lives when it felt like God had turned His back - if only for a moment. But these feelings, as real as they are, are not accurate or reflective of who God is. God doesn’t turn His back on His children. And here is where the paradox lies: when we feel rejected by God, as incorrect as those feelings may be, the result is often that we reject God. In circumstances where God is actually drawing closer, we push Him away. In situations when God inaccurately seems absent, we lock Him out. We get stuck in Jeremiah 14:8-9,

“You who are the hope of Israel, its Savior in times of distress, why are you like a stranger in the land, like a traveler who stays only a night? Why are you like a man taken by surprise, like a warrior powerless to save? You are among us, Lord, and we bear your name; do not forsake us!”

while God is in Jeremiah 15:6a:

“You have rejected me,” declares the Lord. “You keep on backsliding.”

I can personally tell you that nothing good ever comes out of pushing God away. Nothing. Even if there was a fraction of a chance (there’s not) that God had rejected us, rejecting Him is not the answer. The solution is in drawing closer, praying harder, and worshiping louder. Your illness has caused valid and authentic emotions to bubble up, and that’s okay! But, even in our most dire situations, our legitimate emotions still do not define who God is or what He does. We must be incredibly careful in monitoring our emotional state so that it does not disrupt our spiritual state. In the above Scripture from Psalm 38, we see the emotional result of David’s declining physical health. But if you keep reading, it’s clear where his faith lies: “Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.” (vrs. 15, 22)

You have not been rejected. God loves and cares for you. He has not turned away, and He will never leave you. As long as you stay by His side, He will stay by yours.