Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. 1 John 5:14-15 (NKJV)

We have all been there - disappointed by the lack of visible answers and pulled down by the weight of doubt. Chronic illness tests your faith to the core. It tries your prayer life and it will push you to the outer limits of your ability to persevere.  There are no words to describe the magnitude of defeat that you feel when you desperately pray for healing and decreased symptoms, only to wake up to another day of pain and misery.

So, what do we do when the Word doesn’t seem to match our experience? Psalm 66:20 says, “Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” What happens when we feel like He is rejecting our prayers? What do you do when nothing in your life appears to resemble His love has been extended to you?

There was a length of time when I would open my eyes every morning with tears. I didn’t have any will to pray when I woke up with throbbing feet and hands. I would throw my pity party, then gather up the strength to stand, walk, and take care of what I needed to for the day. Why waste my time praying? My prior prayers about healing had seemingly gone unanswered. I couldn’t even get a couple of pain-free hours in my day.

Then, the inevitable happened. My strength began to weaken, my depression started to seep back in, and I was miserable. I was at a point where I didn’t know if I could continue going. But somewhere in the midst of my misery, I felt a charge to pray differently and strategically. I started praying specific petitions in addition to my request for healing:

“God, I believe and expect You to heal me. In the meantime, I need to continue to push forward. Please give me Your strength to get through today and the upcoming week.”

“Lord, You are a healer and restorer. I stand in anticipation of Your healing. Please show me how to live each day with joy and patience.”

“God, give me peace that extends beyond my pain. Give me restorative sleep and let me wake up with praises instead of tears.”

“Heavenly Father, give me the wisdom on which medications to take/receive and how to talk with my doctor. You are the ultimate healer, but You have also placed doctors on this earth to help us. Let my treatment be in line with Your will.”

As I began praying these prayers, I started to see God answering my prayers in clear, tangible ways. My joy increased. An overwhelming peace settled in my life. Most importantly, my faith began to increase. But why didn’t I see those results when I started out praying for healing?

This is the point where I ask you to please, allow me to be honest. I am not calling anyone faithless and it’s not my intention to discourage anyone from continuing to pray for complete healing. But look - sometimes, we pray because we were told we need to pray. Sure, an obligatory prayer is probably better than no prayer. But when our faith doesn’t match the immensity of the “giants” we are up against, we may not see the results we are so desperately looking for. We ask for healing without believing He has the power to actually heal. We place the authority of the doctors and their diagnoses over the authority of God. We pray half-believed prayers and expect whole answers. Then, of course, when His answers (or lack thereof) inevitably disappoint us, we get mad at God. (I wrestled with ending this paragraph here. I wanted to include that we often have narrow parameters by which God can answer our requests. Anything outside of what we think is a “good” answer, we tend to dismiss as no answer at all. I’ll save this discussion for a future post.)

Here’s another thing - we tend to throw out Scriptures without grasping the full concept. The above passage of 1 John 5:14-15 is one that we say frequently - “If we ask anything, God hears and answers!” Well, sure that’s true, but the verses also say that the two conditions of confidence and knowing need to be present. Some of us understand that God is all powerful, but we aren’t 100% confident that this power can overcome what we are experiencing. Some of us read and study the Scriptures about healing but don’t completely know that He can or will do it for us.

I have come to the conclusion in my own life that part of the purpose of my chronic illnesses has been to build up my prayer life and my overall faith in God. I have struggled with believing that God can completely heal my “incurable” diseases. Sometimes, I have even wavered on believing that God loves me and hears my prayers. I’m so happy that God is such a loving God that He has been with me every step of the way in my faith journey. I have seen Him do things that have made my faith flourish and my doubt dry up. I am a witness to the power of prayer; no one can tell me prayer doesn’t work. Where I stand today, I fully believe that God is capable of doing anything and everything. But it was a process getting to this place.

God is our Creator and Father. He knows us better than we know ourselves- the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knows that because we are human, we fall victim to doubt and unbelief. This is clearly shown in John 4:48:  “‘Unless you people see signs and wonders,’ Jesus told him, ‘you will never believe.’” He gives us opportunities to build our faith in Him up. This is why our smaller, strategic prayers are needed just as much as our “giant” prayers. Allow Him to show you that you can be happy even in your pain (this will flow over to having joy in your healing). Give God room to speak through your doctors (this will display His ability to use others to speak His Word into you). Ask Him to give you His strength for just one day (this will show you humility and His power). Give Him a chance to prove Himself faithful, mighty, and omnipotent.