Day 16 - Now is the Time: Dismiss Perfectionism

Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise—why destroy yourself? Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool—why die before your time? It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes. Ecclesiastes 7:16-18 (NIV)

One of the hardest concepts I’ve had to accept is that I will mess up many times, and sometimes, there’s nothing I can do about it. The thought of embarrassing myself, failing, or not living up to my own standards scares me. And the thought that I can prepare all day, every day and still make mistakes is even scarier. I know, I know – no one is perfect; we learn from our mistakes; failing launches us to great; etc; etc. I get it, but sometimes it’s hard not to get caught up in the attempts to make ourselves feel perfect.

But, after all, we are human, we are wrapped in flesh, and we can never attain true perfection. We can only strive to be like God. However, perfectionism, as it typically manifests in us, is usually a symptom of something deeper- the need for control, anxiety, insecurity, and more. It has been a mix of all three for me – which is probably why God loves to push me out of my comfort zone so often. I’m going to talk about each one of these topics in future blogs, but I want to briefly talk about how they relate to perfectionism:

Perfectionism as a Tool of Control

Being perfect is the only way to control the reaction of others towards you. At least, that’s what perfectionists think (or I guess it could be just me?). How about “If I do this perfectly, no one will critique me.” Or “If I eat perfectly, exercise perfectly, and control everything that goes into my body and how it looks, I won’t experience any health issues and no one can critique how I look.” Or “If this is perfect, no one can come in front of me and do it better (and take control over the situation from me).” Those thoughts are real, and even if we don’t say them aloud, they can still unconsciously affect our decisions.

The thing is, perfectionism doesn’t allow any room for God. Your need to control the environment around you devalues His power and takes Him off His Throne. And I’m not just trying to preach, I know this to be true because I have seen how destructive my controlling behavior has been to my faith. What happens is that your vision becomes cloudy, and instead of seeing Him and His Will in your difficult situations, you’re busy trying to figure out where you messed up and how to take back the reins. God is in control, and you being (seemingly) perfect does not negate this.

Perfectionism as a Symptom of Anxiety

Perfectionism and anxiety often occur together because perfectionism gives us a false sense of security. Likewise, anxiety and the need to be in control go hand in hand. As with control, perfectionism makes us feel like we’ve got all of our ducks in a calm, straight row. But, when we find ourselves in difficult situations, perfectionism does nothing to alleviate the feelings of anxiety. In fact, perfectionism exacerbates anxiety, because when we inevitably fail or mess up, anxiety increases. It’s a vicious cycle.

What I have learned is that anxiety is one of the biggest and best tools the enemy uses to stop us dead in our tracks. Physical manifestations of anxiety are real, and a panic attack will have you rethinking everything you’re doing. But if we call it what it is – spiritual warfare, we can at the very least understand what is happening, and even counterattack. Perfectionism only serves to promote anxiety. Always remember that God is not a God of anxiousness, but rather peace and soundness.

Perfectionism as a Function of Insecurity

Perfectionism and false confidence fall in the same category. And I can tell you there’s no one who exudes compensatory pride and confidence like an insecure person. But I can also tell you that loving yourself doesn’t mean you embrace perfection, it mean’s that you embrace your imperfections. I so wish I would’ve truly understood who I am in God’s eyes in my teenage years, or even in my younger adult days. I wish I would’ve been able to comprehend that He loved me- flaws and all- despite who didn’t love me.

There are still days where I have to remind myself that even if something’s not perfect, if my heart is in the right place, God sees it as beautiful. He sees the inward when we’re stuck looking at the imperfect outside. We’re flawed and that’s okay; perfectionism allows no opportunity for His redemption, unswerving love, and glorification.

Food for Thought: Does perfectionism have you caught up in insignificant things? Where do you believe it comes from? If you want to seek perfection, seek God. If you want to rid yourself of the burden of perfectionism, it is my prayer that you pray and seek counseling. Give yourself the opportunity to work through deep-seated problems that are externalized in the form of perfectionism.