Day 24 - Defeating Insecurity Part 2
For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable [for He does not withdraw what He has given, nor does He change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call]. Romans 11:29 (AMP)
Yesterday I laid out the ways that God has broken down my insecurities, particularly as they related to various facets and events in my life. Today I want to get into insecurity as it relates to God’s assignments and calling in our lives. I want to spend time here because I’m in the midst of it. I know there are people reading this that are wondering how God can still use them. I know there is someone that feels unworthy of the call because of shame. And I most certainly know some of you reading this don’t think you have within you what is necessary to carry out God’s assignment.
God Can and Will Use You
1 Corinthians 1:26-39 (NIV) says “Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”
I was once told by someone I deeply respect and love, “It’s normal, Amanda. We NEVER think God could ever use us.” Yet, He does. We don’t necessarily have to understand why God is using us to know that He is using us. It may not make sense to you, but He knows what He’s doing. He has chosen YOU, to show the world that we don’t have to look a certain way, be of a certain age, talk a particular way, or exemplify society’s nearly unattainable status symbols. You, my friend, can show people that all He wants is an obedient “yes.” Here’s the kicker- whatever you think is your biggest weakness is most likely what He will use (to show His power). Because as the verses above imply, what a better way to display His sovereignty and your humility, than using what you deem as your biggest faults.
There’s No Shame
I understand that you may not have a squeaky clean past. Me neither. A year ago, I would’ve said I had some pretty big skeletons in my closet. Then God began a “new” thing when I was assigned to teach on various topics. Yep, you guessed it – He told me to share the most cringe-worthy mistakes of my past with others. Recently, I was asked to speak on “Trusting God.” I said yes before the panic set in; I had only begun to really trust Him a few months prior. So I prepared for the teaching, setting out Bible verses and perfecting stories about when I put my trust in God. Then I heard it:
God: “Tell them about when you didn’t trust Me.”
Me: “But God, I have a position in this ministry. They can’t actually know that I’ve been serving while not trusting You!”
God: “Amanda, just tell them. They need to hear your story”
Me: “Okay, God. But I don’t like this.”
God: “Well, it’s not about YOU.”
Me:
I did it, albeit with hesitation and extreme nervousness. I told everyone that I had been running from my assignment and that I hadn’t trusted Him always. I told them that I had failed tests from God and that I was disobedient. And it was at that moment that I overcame my shame, because I realized as I was looking over the women that I wasn’t alone, and that my faults could help others.
Even more recently, I was asked to teach on love and forgiveness. About a week before the teaching, God told me that I needed to share my past as an example of His grace and forgiveness. I told God I would be completely transparent, but if He changed His mind to please let me know ASAP. He didn’t change His mind. I opened up about all of the illegal, dangerous, and promiscuous things I did as a teenager and beyond. I exposed myself as to how mean I have been to some people, including my husband. I shared recent mistakes and mess ups. Although it was nerve-wrecking beforehand, it flowed freely once the time came because it was my truth. Being a believer now does not erase the mistakes and horrible behaviors of our past, and that’s for good reason. I learned while preparing for the teaching that answering God’s call doesn’t mean we forget about our past. It means asking for forgiveness, believing you receive it, and using it as a testimony of God’s unwavering love, grace, and mercy. Shame is a trick of the enemy to get you to believe that you are unworthy of your calling. God doesn’t operate in shame or condemnation, all thanks to Jesus’ willing death on the cross. Give your past mistakes to God, turn away from your flawed past behaviors, and move forward.
You Have What it Takes
I began pushing back about 3 weeks before the teaching discussed above. I started feeling the weight and implications of the teaching. What’s more is that I understood what this teaching meant for myself. And, in typical Amanda-style, I panicked. I knew this needed to be taught with firmness and compassion. I saw how it should look in my mind, but what I saw was just not how I operated. It wasn’t how I talked or taught. I confided in people I respected and they reassured me that this teaching was for me. God even reassured me through a bible study message about insecurity. So, with about a week to go, I said, “God, I understand and have clearly seen what you want me to do for this teaching. I don’t know how this is going to happen, but I have diligently prepared as much as I can. Just use me as You need to.”
This teaching was only less than a week ago. And I can say with certainty that God did use me as He needed to, because I can’t actually believe I taught in the way I did. I know that I was speaking, and I know that I was standing up front, but I most assuredly was not the creator of the words and power that came out of my mouth. It scares me a little, because, you know – control and anxiety and insecurity and stuff. But knowing that God can use me and give me the ability to do things that I never imagined is such an AMAZING feeling. This was a small victory in my attempt to defeat insecurity, and I’m holding onto it for when insecurity tries to slow me down in the future.
We all have what it takes to be victorious in our calling. Don’t discount your small victories - they are necessary steps in building your confidence! Of course, we may not have all of the knowledge, particular skills, or appearance to do everything perfectly all the time. But, we have access to greatness, power, and so much more when we just speak 3 words, “Use me, Lord.” In that should we put our insecurities to rest.