Finding Peace and Understanding Through Lament
Some may wonder why I continue to talk about lament even as we get closer to Christmas. Lament seems contradictory to a season labeled with peace, joy, and good tidings. Well, if I can be transparent, it's not easy to carry these thoughts during this time. I get stuck between feeling like a complete downer and knowing that there are millions of people in the world who could benefit from lament especially right now.
In my last video I talked about the anticipation of the birth of Christ and the world waiting for something or someone to come and rescue it from darkness. The idea of lament is a parallel to this; we sit in the mess awaiting God to pull us out. In this, there is hope like the light at the end of a tunnel. So, today I want to talk about the positive side of lament - the rescuing, the comforting, the peace that comes after the release of our grief.
I have never come out of lament feeling worse than I did going in. If there has not been full resolution to my issue at hand, there is at least greater hope, clarity, and faith. Entering in with deep sadness, I have come out with reason to smile; with anger-driven questions, I have come out with clarity if not direct answers; with torment, I have come out with peace. There is transformation and exchanging that takes place in our lamenting to God; He takes what we pour out and gives us what we lack. I have found that there are many graces that God gives us when we lament, but there are two that are undeniably consistent and impactful: peace and understanding.
Peace through Lament
The contents of lament are agents of misery and confusion. When these adverse situations or emotions arise, they are typically normal and useful responses. But, the longer they sit within us, the stronger they become regardless of how we try to squash them down. Questions turn to doubt, anger turns to bitterness, and sorrow turns to hopelessness.
In my book, The Gift of Lament, I discuss the example of lament found in Matthew 14 of Peter crying out to Jesus as he sinks in his attempt to walk on water. When I read this account, I sense the chaos of the scene - waves crashing, wind howling, the disciples frightened and on high alert from the appearance of someone coming toward them on the water. I can imagine Peter’s heart rate and blood pressure were off the charts when he swung his leg over the side of the boat. The sense of panic he must have felt when he saw the wind and began to sink was overwhelming, I’m certain. In that moment of chaos and trepidation, Peter released three short words out of his intense emotions: “Lord, save me!” And at that “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. (32) And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down” (v. 30, 32). Peace.
We find the same pattern played out in a boat on a different occasion: “‘Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?’ [Jesus] got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” (Mark 4:38b-39) Peace.
In their confusion and frustration concerning His prophecies of betrayal, denial, and departure, the disciples questioned Jesus: “Why? How? When? What are we supposed to do?” His reply: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27) Peace.
His names include Jehovah Shalom and Prince of Peace for good reason. We can - and should - expect peace to fill the space that is emptied through our lament. And it’s not just peace for the moment; the peace God gives through our lament is unwavering, and independent of circumstances or disposition. We receive peace that surpasses our limited understanding and protects both our minds and our hearts (Philippians 4:7).
Understanding through Lament
To gain understanding, we must approach the all-knowing God with humility. To lament is essentially to humble oneself. It says “I don’t understand, but I know Who does.” However, we have to be careful here not to confuse “answers” with “understanding;” we may not necessarily leave lament with answers, but we will leave with an understanding of Who God is. This is ultimately where we find comfort, reassurance, and the reestablishment of our faith.
I’ve found that, sometimes, mustering up the faith to cry out to God is the only part of the process that is needed for me to be reminded that He is sovereign. Clarity comes through the conscious act of handing over our pain to God. In this respect, it is not necessarily clarity within the circumstances that brings comfort and understanding; rather it is clarity in Who is over the circumstances. If we are able to trust Him with our current feelings and thoughts, surely we are able to trust Him with our current situations.
Submitting our questions to God is important in gaining understanding. Contrary to religious beliefs, “why?” is both appropriate and powerful. Both David and Jesus uttered the question “Why have You forsaken me?” Jeremiah asked “Why does the way of the wicked prosper?” (Jeremiah 12:1) Moses asked “Why have You afflicted Your servant?” (Numbers 11:11) Habakkuk, Job, and other Psalmists also asked God “Why?” amongst other questions. I have found that asking “why?” has two results: God gives a specific answer or God imparts the grace (wisdom, strength, endurance, etc.) needed for us to navigate our circumstances without a concrete answer. In other words, sometimes we are not capable of understanding the complexities of God’s workings; in such cases, God will equip us to persevere and flourish.
Sometimes, though, direct questions are not needed. God knows that our expressions of disappointment are merely the results of our limited intelligence. Our grief over loss is the result of our inability to see beyond time and space. The uncertainty and tears of frustration simply mean we can’t comprehend how He works in His omniscience.
There will be times when lament is just a cry, with no words, no questions, no expectations. Even in such situations, peace and enlightenment come through the presence of a loving and faithful Father. We may not enjoy entering into lament, but coming out of it is an experience that we can delight in. Lament is heavy, but it yields such great relief. Peace and comfort are available to us even if it means tears will be shed and anger will be released. That’s the upside of lament. It is a gift given to us by God and we can find joy and understanding as we unwrap it.
I pray that in the upcoming days as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, you find unspeakable peace and joy even in the shedding of tears and acknowledgment of discouragement. May you enter into the new year with renewed hope, contentment, and faith. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!