Cave Experiences
“When my spirit faints within me, you know my way! ”
Have you ever had a cave experience? It is that place of isolation that’s not quite fully closed off from the outside world. It’s the mental state of watching everything take place around you while feeling like you can’t engage, can’t participate, like you just don’t have the energy to deal with it. It’s that period of time where you are lacking in motivation, unsure of what direction to go, and seemingly incapable of stringing together comprehensive thoughts.
We often walk into these caves on our own accord. Other times, we have been chased in by our circumstances such as illness, loss, a pandemic, or other troubles. Yet sometimes, we find ourselves inside a cave with no remembrance of how we ended up there in the first place. The unique thing about these experiences is that we know we can walk out of the cave any time. We see the light, we know what “out there” has to offer. Yet we stay in the cave for various reasons: fear, exhaustion, avoiding reality, trying to circumnavigate disappointment, being weary from dealing with others, or possibly just being angry at the world.
Psalm 142 describes one man’s perspective during a literal cave experience. Here we read the words of David, fleeing from Saul and finding refuge in a cave (note: there is not enough evidence to suggest that this was specifically from the cave of Adullam; however, this bears no weight on the meaning of the text in this context):
With my voice I cry out to the Lord;
with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.
I pour out my complaint before him;
I tell my trouble before him.
When my spirit faints within me,
you know my way!
In the path where I walk
they have hidden a trap for me.
Look to the right and see:
there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for my soul.
I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”
Attend to my cry,
for I am brought very low!
Deliver me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me!
Bring me out of prison,
that I may give thanks to your name!
The righteous will surround me,
for you will deal bountifully with me.
Here we read of a man who is isolated, imprisoned, trapped, lonely, hopeless, and helpless. David has sought shelter and protection out of self-preservation. It is in this place that David is allowed the opportunity to pour out his anxieties, to cry out of fear and despondency, and to grasp onto the vital, life-giving characteristics of God in a moment of obscurity.
We often seek our own “caves” out of the same mechanisms David used - to protect ourselves and to find reprieve from desperation. Sometimes it may literally feel like we are trying to save our lives. In this respect cave experiences do often help us. They allow us to rest, to catch our breath, to get back on our squares. Sometimes caves make us appreciate the outside world more. Caves can also offer us an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and with God about the states of our well-being. Sometimes God meets us in our caves and transforms our hearts, minds, and focus.
The tricky thing about cave experiences is we can easily overextend our stay. I think one of the hardest parts of walking out of the cave is the shame of being there in the first place. We ask ourselves how we allowed ourselves to end up there, why we were running, or why we allowed fear/anger/frustration to put us in these positions. We question why we don’t have the courage to face our circumstances or if we really trust God enough. We have deep guilt for not praying, worshipping, studying, or engaging with church as much as we used to.
We can begin to feel stuck in these caves, and sometimes we can crawl so far back that we end up adjusting everything to the low light. If we’re not careful, we can make the cave our permanent dwelling place. The reality is, we can't stay in for long, but we can appreciate the cave for what it was in the moment we needed it.
I recently found myself crawling out of a cave that seemed like it was impossible to get out of. It seemed like dealing with even the worst aspects of the cave was a lot easier than dealing with the mess that was outside in the world. But I knew that I had to force myself out when I began pulling other areas of my life such as family, ministry, and more into the cave with me. I had to have my own cave conversation with God in order to exchange my weariness for His guidance, my ignorance for His wisdom, and my uncertainty for His plan. And honestly, I still don’t know how everything will turn out, but I do know nothing will happen hiding out in some self-made cave.
So, if you find yourself having one of these cave experiences, even right now, I encourage you to pour yourself out to God and gain from Him the strength, restoration, and encouragement that you need. Then, it’s time to courageously walk out. The cave was not designed to be your permanent residence. If you don’t feel like you can exit on your own, call on a friend, family member, or spiritual advisor to help you take the first steps. You can even click here or comment on this post if you need prayer. Always remember that God is with us inside and outside the cave; He’s not going to leave you in there, and He’s not going to leave you out there.